5 Times Alfred Tried to be Romantic
by Kakyoku no Kaze
Summary: It's Valentine's Day and Alfred wants to make it special for Ivan.  But will all his preparations bring about the desired result?


A/N: Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Here I present my attempt at those five-times sort of fics. I hope you all enjoy it and have a very nice holiday!

* * *

><p>Six A.M. and Alfred was confident in his plan. He had forced himself out of bed super early just so he could prepare Ivan's lovely surprise before the Russian could eat his first blini.<p>

The kitchen resembled a warzone with wounded splatters coating the ceiling, walls, and various appliances, but it was all worth it. After all, every Tom, Dick, and Joe could buy chocolates for Valentine's day, but Alfred handmade his batch so they were super special. Giant chocolate hearts with fluorescent pink sugar icing.

Covered with chocolate splatters himself, he smiled and set the plate aside to cool while he took a much-needed shower.

As he was occupied, a seamless baseball with glasses bounced up onto the counter. It rolled over to the chocolates and opened its mouth, swallowing a giant heart whole. A delighted blush dotted its cheeks before it sucked in the remaining hearts and hopped away.

When Alfred was done with his shower, Ivan was knocking on the door to urge him to hurry up. With his hair barely dried, Alfred flung open the door and took Ivan's hand to drag him outside, too excited to wait a second longer to show him his surprise.

"Feast your eyes on this!" Alfred exclaimed proudly, turning around and sweeping his extended palm towards the counter in the ruined kitchen with a flourish. He was grinning, unaware that he had nothing to show for the destruction.

"Ah!" Ivan exclaimed.

Alfred's grin widened until he was smacked upside the head with a fist.

* * *

><p>Eight A.M. and Alfred was standing in line at the florist's with an x-shaped bandage over the bump on his head. He couldn't believe how long the line was—as if everyone in Moscow picked today to buy a flower. He had departed as soon as Ivan deemed the kitchen spotless enough so he could purchase a nice bouquet of sunflowers since the chocolates mysteriously vanished. That was about an hour and twenty minutes ago.<p>

Steadily the line progressed until he was able to get inside. The harried florist and his assistants were running to and fro trying to fulfill everyone's requests. It took Alfred another half hour before he somehow made it out alive past the sea of frantic customers. Luckily, no one else was really aiming for the sunflowers so he could buy a bundle three times larger than his head that was kept snugly together with a red, white, and blue striped ribbon.

Alfred made his way back to Ivan's house. On his way inside, he almost tripped from his foot sliding against an ill-fated fallen scoop of vanilla ice cream. He scraped it off against the steps before entering the house.

"Ivan!" he called out, setting the bouquet on the small end table by the doorway where an empty key bowl sat. "Ivan?" Alfred tried again, going upstairs.

The vanilla ice cream scoop inflated and dizzily rolled into the house. Disoriented, it accidentally rammed into the table, causing the whole bouquet to fall on top of it. Panicked, it took only six seconds for the bouquet and vanilla ice cream to roll right out of sight.

"What? What are you so eager to be showing me?" Ivan asked as he was pushed along down the stairs to the front hall.

"You'll really like this, promise!" Alfred assured him, stepping ahead just before they reached the table. He grabbed what was on the table and thrust it out to him, "Surprise!"

Ivan reached out, took the key bowl from him, and gave it a long look before he set it back on the table and felt for Alfred's forehead.

It took a minute. But when Alfred finally realized that he had grabbed the wrong thing, and that all that was left of the bouquet was a single yellow petal on the ground, he felt like screaming.

* * *

><p>Twelve noon and Alfred was using his platinum card to pay for the engraved ring. It was fortunate that he had placed an order for it ahead of time. Previously, he had hoped it would be an extra surprise in addition to another gift, but somehow they kept disappearing. No matter. This one, for sure, would reach Ivan.<p>

He slipped the small velvet box into his pocket and began walking back. Since it was the lunch hour, the streets were chockfull of pedestrians. He had a hard time squeezing past the thick mass of bodies.

"Ow!" he cried out when he felt something like a softball smacking against his hip. He rubbed his side and continued along.

This time Ivan was outside getting his mail. Alfred grinned to himself as he hugged the Russian from behind.

"You are that happy for lunch? I will not be cooking it any faster just because you are showing some enthusiasm," Ivan commented, glancing back over his shoulder.

Alfred snickered and shook his head. "That's not i~t!" He indicated his left pocket with his eyes.

Ivan tilted his head and followed Alfred's eyes. Alfred coughed and nodded his head towards it so that Ivan could grab the box.

Getting the hint, Ivan slipped his hand inside Alfred's pocket and felt around. After a few minutes, he gave Alfred a flat look before smacking his bum sharply. "If this is some kind of rouse, it is not working." He took up the letters and magazines, shook his head, and returned to the house, saying before he disappeared back inside, "Is being even less creative than idiotic hole-in-popcorn-cup trick."

Alfred was beyond confused. He swore he had placed the ring in his pocket. After rubbing his sore buttcheek, he patted down both of his pockets and made a sound of exasperation when he felt nothing in them. Although, when he pulled his hands away, his left hand was sticky with the smear of tomato juice.

* * *

><p>Three P.M. and Alfred was settled in the living room next to a recently discarded toy box. He congratulated himself on his ingenuity when he inspected the small polar bear plush. For it wasn't any ordinary plush. It was uniquely automated and came with customized accessories.<p>

After dressing it up in a pink scarf and a tan long coat, Alfred set it by Ivan's favorite armchair near the fireplace. He patted all around the bear, making sure there weren't any trapdoors or anything beneath it. Deeming it safe, he turned around and saw Ivan stepping past the room. "Hey, wait!" he exclaimed before rushing after him.

As Ivan tried his best to not drop all the boxes he was carrying when Alfred tugged at his arm, a marshmallow with a top hat blew in from an open window and smacked into the polar bear. The bear's eyes lit up and it rose up on its hind legs. It locked its sights onto the marshmallow and roared.

"What is it?" Ivan asked when he finally set the boxes down in the front hall to follow Alfred back to the living room. He had to step aside when white mice or something ran past his feet. He'd have to take care of that later.

"You're going to _really_ love this," Alfred assured him, turning around. "I—" he didn't even bother finishing his sentence. He just stared at the empty spot by the armchair, mouth agape.

Ivan exhaled a sigh and ruffled Alfred's head. He wondered if he had hit his head too hard earlier and so gave the still slight bump a small rub with his thumb. "Come. Sit down and I will be getting the cookies for tea time."

* * *

><p>Eight P.M. and Alfred was double-checking everything, his eyes widened with seeming paranoia. The windows—all locked. The doors—all secured. Every nook and cranny of the house—checked and re-checked. Even the spaces under beds and in the closets were screened.<p>

No matter what, Alfred was determined to give Ivan a Valentine's Day gift, even if it _killed _him.

He walked to the guestroom he frequented and opened the door to the tiny icebox by his bed. Inside, nestled safe and sound and exactly where he left it to chill two hours ago, was the bottle of premium vodka that was worth the amount of three engraved rings.

Alfred nodded with satisfaction before he went to the closet to get out the chains and locks he was going to put around the fridge since he wanted to invite Ivan to dine out first before showing him his surprise.

As his back was turned, a white beach ball with a pink scarf rolled into the room, saw the vodka, and flew inside the fridge. The door shut to the sounds of loud gulping, yet Alfred didn't notice as he was too busy securing the fridge from any intruders.

The extra security made his dinner out with Ivan a somewhat peaceful one. Still, Alfred's insistence that Ivan not touch a drop of the restaurant's vodka and his constant cell-phone checking (of the small surveillance cameras positioned around the guestroom's mini-fridge) encouraged Ivan to bring him home earlier than usual.

Admittedly, once they were back inside, Alfred visibly relaxed. It was time now to present the gift to him! But, to be suave, the blond took Ivan by the hand to lead him upstairs. Minor kisses were exchanged along the way, and perhaps a coat or tie or two were discarded upon the floor.

Once in the guestroom, Alfred gently pushed Ivan upon the bed and, after another gratuitously long kiss, urged him to close his eyes to receive a _nice _surprise.

As Ivan's eyes were closed, he became curious to the shift of weight upon the bed when Alfred thumped off of it. Curiosity turned to skepticism of whether he'd like the surprise or not when he heard the metallic rattle of a multitude of chains. What sort of surprise did Alfred have in store for him indeed. . .

When the rattling stopped there was a brief moment of silence before Alfred gave out such a wail that it startled the very floorboards of the house.

"What is being the matter?" Ivan asked.

Could anyone really blame him for reacting that way when he took such measures to secure the house only to find the entire bottle of vodka was gone? Well. Not gone, per se. But the most important part of the bottle was gone and all he had to show for it was. . .

Was. . .

What _was_ it?

Alfred reached inside the fridge to pull out the beach ball. Or. Something. It was a beach ball with three triangles drawn on it—two small ones and one large one between them. However, the touch of his natural body heat unfroze the thing and it leapt out of his hands, smacked his face, and bounced out the bedroom door.

The long silence that followed spurred Ivan to open his eyes and look over. He only got one glimpse of the tears welling in Alfred's baby blue eyes before he excused himself and left.

* * *

><p>Alfred didn't know how much time has passed, but when one was busy sulking, it didn't matter. He had holed himself up in the empty miniature greenhouse in the backyard. Ivan had built it with the hope of finally being able to cultivate some sunflowers of his own yet, so far, all he's had in that greenhouse were jars of cold dirt.<p>

"Alfred?" Ivan's voice could be heard outside. "Amerika?"

He kept silent. Yet the shadow of Ivan's looming figure, expanded by the faint glow of the moon, eventually came to the door which was slowly opened.

"There you are being," he said, stepping inside to sit next to him on the ground. "What is matter with you? You are feeling sick?" A hand went again to his forehead, but it was lightly pushed away. "Have been acting strange all day. Tell me what is wrong or will have to be using other methods to get truth out of you." The faux aura of dark terror that rose up was Ivan's offer to Alfred to react with his usual boyish sarcasm. But this time Alfred stayed quiet.

"Fedechka," Ivan tried again, this time tilting his chin up to look him in the eye.

Alfred sighed, his eyes flitting to stare down at the floor. "I tried so, so hard." He shook Ivan's hand away only to lean forward against him. "I wanted to make this the best Valentine's Day for you ever, and _nothing_ worked."

"What do you—"

"The chocolates, the flowers, the ring, the doll, the vodka—all of it! It's like fate hates my guts or something and doesn't want me to even try to make you feel loved and appreciated like I damn well tried to do!" Alfred shouted, not even caring about the embarrassment from saying such a thing so openly to Ivan of all people. He pounded his fist into the ground and nuzzled his face deeper into his shoulder.

Silence.

And then, ever so gently, Ivan's palm came upon Alfred's head. He stroked his hair calmly, using the curve of his arm to pull the American closer to him. Honestly, he wasn't even aware of this date that seemed to be so important to Alfred. But the fact that he made such a big deal out of it was touching.

"Alfred," he murmured into his ear, "all those things you were mentioning? They are not mattering."

Alfred sniffled and pulled back a little to look up at him, "R-really?"

Ivan nodded, cupping Alfred's face now, thumbs and forefingers faintly squeezing those pinkened squirrel cheeks. A few centimeters forward and their lips connected sweetly, hovering together like that for a long, long moment.

When they finally broke apart, Ivan giggled. "Da. Really. Are you knowing why?"

Alfred shook his head.

"Because," a small peck, "am feeling the love and appreciation most by you being here with me. You are greatest gift of all to me~!"

The sniffling ceased; replaced by widened eyes and a crimson blush that reached the tips of the American's ears. Alfred had to look down to keep from spluttering like an idiot, although he couldn't hide his bewildered expression fast enough to stop Ivan's laughter.

After his laughter had settled, Ivan rose up, carrying Alfred with him as he did. Normally quick to protest the action, Alfred, this time, allowed himself to be carried and even curled his body in Ivan's arms to make the job easier.

On the way back inside, Alfred noted the upstairs grandfather clock's hands. Before it was too late, he stopped Ivan in mid-step to give his cheek a kiss and his neck a great big hug as he exclaimed, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

The grandfather clock struck midnight.

* * *

><p><em><span>Omake<span>_

Eduard sat up suddenly in bed when he felt something thrown at him. He grabbed his glasses and looked down, noticing the pile of random objects on his comforter. One by one he picked them up—a half-eaten piece of chocolate, a mangled flower missing three-fourths of its petals, and a small box.

At the foot of his bed were four round forms.

"You guys. . .?" Eduard inquired when he turned his bedside lamp on.

Mochimerica stepped up, saying boldly, "Presents for sad nerd!"

He didn't know what he meant but he looked down at the things again. He opened the box and gasped when he saw the ring. It was huge! "How did you manage to get something like this?"

Mochimerica puffed up condescendingly then turned to the Spain mochi. "Demonstration!" It picked it up with its mouth then flung it against the wall, sticky sclucking sounds following the poor thing's slow descent to the floor, its new tomato now nothing more than a mashed smear on the wallpaper.

"I- I see. . ." Eduard stammered before reaching out to give each mochi a pat on the head. "Well. . .thank you all. You really didn't have to do this for me."

"Buon San Valentino!" the Italy mochi exclaimed, waving around a tiny white flag with a red painted-on heart.

"Happy Day Valentines!" the Canada mochi and Mochimerica said in unison.

When the Spain mochi managed to get back onto the bed, it hopped over to show that it had protected a floating cookie that had a heart on it. This it offered to Eduard to keep.

A smile spread across his lips and he hugged them all to him happily. He didn't know where the gifts came from, but surely they were nice tokens of love and surely wouldn't come back to haunt him the future, right?

In the distance, a bear roared and something cried out "Bugger all!" as another thing couldn't stop hiccupping.


End file.
